Friday, May 20, 2005
strike mode
I'm on strike mode.
I could walk around the office with a bandana round my forehead (reading DIE! or KILL! in Mandarin). I could carry a sign that screaming "Down with the Empire!" or "Die Jellyfish, DIE!". I could scribble demands on the pristine office walls in blood. I could inspire a sit-down protest at the lobby.
Or I could do what I'm doing now: stone at my desk.
Why am I on strike mode, you ask.
Why not? I think it's a periodical thing, you know. I get into these phases every once in awhile. Must be the shifting of the moons. My ruling moon could have shifted from the worker-ant sector to the lazy-grasshopper sector. God is wise.
As I sit here typing about nothing, random thoughts come to mind...
:::
Last night I had the oddest dream. Let me try to vaguely relate this from my thread-bare memory.
I was in a room. There were other people around. I remember the feeling of being oppressed. Bullied.
One guy was carrying a big long snake as if it were baby. The cretin had curled itself around his arms; its menacing head straining towards me. I remember backing off... one step at a time, my eyes fixated on the creature. I backed into a wall.
I stood there cringing. The man took a step forward. The snake was so close to me, I'm certain it could feel my ragged breathing on its scaly body. My entire being was focused on its forked tongue. Then oh so slowly, the snake reached forward, and I felt its tongue caress my neck.
I'm serious! I felt it! I was so damn startled that I was literally jolted awake. Even then, I could still feel that spine-chilling sensation. I reached out and checked the time. Barely 6am. Crap. Shite. Back to sleep.
The most interesting thing of all is that I remember that last bit so vividly. I'm usually the sort who at best can remember having a dream, but never the contents of it.
Creepy.
:::
Recently I keep thinking to myself that I should stop fighting the System. It seems like such a lose-lose situation. Plus it's really tiring.
And I think I have, to some extent.
The Place has numbed me: numbed all my ideals and visions; aspirations and goals. So much so that I just dismiss everything with a whatever.
Shite used to bother me on a personal level. And I mean really disturb. At a very fundamental level, I felt some stuff was downright wrong and I couldn't fathom why nobody was doing anything about it. Everyone just worked within the constraints of the System.
And even though I find myself doing the same, more and more often. I can't help but blame myself for perpetuating the wrong.
I was told that such Systems exist everywhere. They are inevitable so sometimes you just convince yourself that "things are just that way". I was surprised at the brutual honesty that came from this man. A man whom I felt was passionate and inspirational - a radical element of change and improvement.
Maybe things are really just meant to be that way.
I just need to persuade myself now.
Or leave.
// posted by the commentator @ 11:31 am 
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