Thursday, June 30, 2005
getting to know me..
.. via QuizBox.
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
[comment: now now, lets not freak the Boyfriend out just yet.]
The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
[comment: beautifully?! *faint*]
Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
[comment: the pursuit of paper credentials is a very vain thing. i'm not gonna pretend that i do it to enrich myself. to be brutually honest, i'll do an MBA or a Masters in Comms to flaunt the paper (not everyone got ok!), and to climb the corporate ladder.]
The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
[comment: i object! i know what i wanna do. i just dun seem to have managed to snag a good one yet.]
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
[comment: i am afraid of failure, and what it'll mean. but i'll still try. am trying now!]
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.
[comment: i'm fiercely independent, but i'm still a girl =P]
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
[comment: not the commentator for nothing! heh.]
my shuffle is telepathic
On the last two occasions that I used my iPod Shuffle, I have realised that the lovely thing is telepathic! In a way, because it reads my mood more than it does my mind.
Now everyone knows that the Shuffle, essentially, shuffles. It selects randomly from a 120 song list without my interference.
Two evenings ago, I was heading home from work in a particularly depressed state. Lets just say it was one of those days. In the 30-minute cab ride home, I began to notice that my Shuffle was only playing slow songs: love ballads of the i-love-you-so-much-i-want-to-die genre. And in doing so, accentuated my mood so much I was dangerously close to suicide.
Partially as a result of that Shuffle-induced ineluctable state of depression, I took urgent leave yesterday. Yes, urgent. Otherwise I might die at my desk. This mid-week rest surely had to involve a trip down town. So I upped my lazy ass and took a bus towards shopping haven. Throughout that 45-minute bus ride, my Shuffle decided to play upbeat, uptempo, happy songs! So much so, I finally alighted infront of Tangs with a hop in my step and a (rather silly looking) smile on my face.
My Shuffle is telepathic. I shite you not.
Monday, June 27, 2005
i have not blogged since last wednesday
Not because I didn't have time; I always manage to make time.
Not because I didn't have anything to say.
But because I didn't want to labour on and on about my work-related woes. Which, unfortunately, cause me the most grief and take up most of my energy.
::
Met up very briefly with an old uni classmate last Friday at Corduroy & Finch. Giving up on wine halfway through the session, I ordered a glass of iced lemon tea. Next thing I knew, the wine was gone and we were ready to leave. So we called for the bill and requested to cancel the order. That was promptly attended to, surprisingly, and the shy waitress apologised to one of the guys about the tardy glass of iced tea.
Me, being in one of my moods, sharply retorted as she walked off, "That was my glass of iced tea. She should have apologised to me."
Old uni classmate who had not seen me for awhile, was evidently rather taken aback at that comment. I began to explain, with a slight shrug and a soft frown, "Sorry, I'm rather edgy..."
And before I could finish, Boyfriend jumps in to say, "Yeah, she's been really edgy since she started work."
::
I was really surprised at that. Especially given that I was only going to say that because I work in a service-oriented environment now, I'm oh-so-slightly more finicky about service standards. But I kept mum. And started thinking about what he said. I guess it's true, you know. I have lost alittle of the quirky and insane me; in its place, is solemn and cranky me.
I guess he, more than anyone (including myself), is aware of this change. He's the one who has to live through my ranting, the (more than occasional) tantrums and periodic sulking.
I really don't want to be this way. I want to be the happy, cheerful me that I was not too long ago.
Is it really mind over matter? If I don't mind, this place won't matter?
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
re: conversation this morning
Dear Deranged Bitch
I refer to your conversation with your subordinate, Miss A, this morning.
She has relayed to me the matter that you have discussed in relation to your inputs for my publication.
First and foremost, may I gently remind you that your request is in direct conflict with the standard operating procedure that you yourself drew up just a couple of months ago, for reasons apparent to everyone.
You have since relinquished all responsibility in this arena, and the portfolio is now mine. I thus have the obligation and corresponding authority to decline your request.
Miss A concurs with my decision on this matter, which is why she raised the matter with you earlier.
It has come to my attention, however, that when she attempted to explain this to you in all logical manner, you had the stroke of inspiration to accuse her of "ganging up" with me in refusing to complete the work you have delegated.
At this point in time, I find it redundant to reason with you, since you do not appear to be amendable to reason.
In any case, I believe you and I are mutually aware of our disdain for each other. I do find it rather disgusting however that you would let your own subordinate - one whom you particularly adore, no less - suffer the brunt of our personal vendetta.
I would like to state for the record that should you have a bone to pick with me, you may do so in a forthright manner by approaching me during office hours. I will be extremely happy to engage in such discourse with you.
I take extreme offence to the baseless accusation made against me behind my back. Should you have in your possession concrete and substantial evidence to support this claim, I will be pleased to cross-examine these. Please note that your own paranoia, suspicion and intense dislike towards me do not qualify as evidence. In the event that you do not have such evidence, I vehemently object to unknowingly becoming the victim of your crazed imagination.
It does worry me, however, that at the slightest knowledge that things are not going exactly your way, you pull out conspiracy theories and jump to ridiculous conclusions. Perhaps this is the doing of an uneasy conscience, or a nagging awareness that your incorrigible and unreasonable ways are apparent to more people than you had ever expected.
Personally, I find your behaviour this morning particularly unbecoming of a professional in your position. It reeks of pettiness and idiocy expected only of a fishmonger.
Should you wish to stab me in the back once again after reading this mailer, please feel free to do so. If the senior management of this organisation is unable to see through your smiling mask which hides your conniving, credit-hungry personality, then I am only even more confident that this is not a suitable work environment for me.
Yours sincerely
I-don't-give-a-shit
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
my greatest fear
gone with the wind are my chances. Which sucks big time cos I really wanted this chance. It's been 1.5 weeks and still no news. I guess I already knew during the interview. But you can't blame a girl for hoping against hope, can you?
It's really scary because I promised myself that I won't be here on my "one year anniversary". And that's barely 1.5 months away.
This entire situation kinda reminds me of this cynic remark I always pass when friends start daydreaming/ fantasizing about how filthy rich they're gonna be in 10 years; about their lambos and ferraris; about retiring at 35.
My retort is always: for all you know, in 10 years, we'll still be sitting at this bar/cafe saying the exact same thing.
And that, my friends, is my greatest fear*.
* Aside from cockroaches, rats, G-force, etc.
petulant at 23
Don't know why either. But I just am.
So shoot me.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
which singaporean blogger are you?
I'm kinda certain which Singaporean blogger i am... myself. But nonetheless, decided to try this out for fun.
And...
Congratulations, you are...
Scarlett Ting of joewei.blogspot.com
You are independent, smart and beautiful. It's too bad you don't see that yourself because life's little difficulties brought down a lot of your self confidence. As a result, you talk cryptic and you don't trust people easily. You care a lot for your friends and your loved ones, sometimes even more than you care for yourself, although they don't always seem to appreciate it. Don't let that affect you. As the saying goes, you don't miss the water till the well runs dry. So hang in there, you're a star in the making.
touchy touchy
Don't know why I'm so darn irritable this morning.
Well, actually I do.
Because the Irritant bit me not too long ago. It's not that big a deal, really, but just the sound of her voice, the casual but apparent disregard for a fellow human being, and the small things that she do to win credit that she didn't earn, really really bugged me this morning.
Her dismissive demeanour and that condescending tone resulted me being atypically curt in my response. Once she nagged one sentence too much, I frowned and looked away. Why ask me questions you know I have no answer to?
And why, I wanted to return a question, are you so concerned about issues beyond the boundaries of your job scope? Especially when you don't seem to get your own work done.
It's exasperating, honestly, to have to listen to her shallow comments when the task at hand has absolutely nothing to do with her.
That and an unwritten editorial with a looming deadline is haunting me.
I hate mental blocks.
Monday, June 13, 2005
pissed off.. big time
I am extremely pissed over an incident that happened late Friday night. And okkkkk, I know this post seems a little retarded, but it was late Friday night and I had better things to do over the weekend.
I was reminded of the incident as I walked home tonight: I hate security guards. Well, maybe not all security guards, but at least those whom "guard" my condo.
I had a good night out with colleagues and ex-colleagues last Friday. And managed to hitch a ride home from one rather reluctant colleague. heh.
So anyway, he dropped me off at the entrance of my condo and I walked in. I wasn't particularly aware that my one inch heels were clanking on the concrete pavement, and given the silence of the night, making a small racket.
That was until, as I sauntered past the guard house, I heard a loud, curt "ssshhhh!"
I literally stopped in my tracks at the sound of that and my half-asleep brain took more than a few seconds to recognise that I was being hushed. Hushed! By my own security guards! I snapped my neck back to glare at the entrance of the guard house but I could only make out a shadow on the floor.
Can you imagine how badly I was seething with anger?!
In the first place, I was probably hushed only because my clicking heels woke someone up from his deep slumber. It was after all, 2am. What on earth was I thinking?
And even if he felt that I was causing a late-night disturbance to the other residents, he should have stepped out and informed me of this in a courteous manner. Not hush me from the comfort of his inclined seat.
I would so complain.. feedback, I mean, this to the estate management and/or contracted security company. But me being true blue Singaporean... can't be bothered to. Well, it's not my fault that my condo has a website but no direct e-feedback facility.
I'm just pissed, really.
how to annoy people
That was the (amazingly ironic) subject title of yet another junk email I received about 10 minutes ago.
And this is after I spent the morning deleting emails like Is Coke Good For You?, Amazing Summer Trends! and The Mummy Returns... all from the same sender. (Subject titles have been tweaked alittle to sound more interesting than they really are.)
So anyway, when I received How to Annoy People in my mailbox, I almost balked. The irony of life.
All such emails come courtesy of a (rather bored) galfriend. Now, I love her to bits. We've been buds for what, 10 years and counting? But for crying out loud! These are plain irritating and to make things worse, these are not directed to my gmail account but my office account.
Sheesh.
And for the record, I didn't read How to Annoy People; I've experienced it.
Friday, June 10, 2005
table vultures
Today I made the grave mistake of being early for a lunch appointment. 15 minutes early; or so I thought.
Considerate lil' me trooped up to the perpetually-crowded Food Court where I was to meet my colleagues and proceeded to hunt for a large enough table. And as luck would have it, I snagged a table for 8 in less than a minute.
The next 30 minutes, however, were spent trying to read Malcolm Gladwell's Blink while fending off various forms of table vultures:
The Hovercraft
Stealth is the hallmark of this lifeform. He silently hovers around the table you are guarding, looking expectantly at you as if waiting for an invitation to sit down. Not particularly effective when you happen to be reading a particularly interesting bit in Blink and don't sense his presence.
The Space Invader
Now this is, by my standards, the most irritating one of all (I cherish my personal space alot). The Space Invader stands right beside where you are comfortably seated and stays here. Really. His nether regions barely 5 inches away from your face, he looks down at you with a look that means to say, May I? but comes across alot more invasive.
The Conqueror
The most obstrusive of all table vultures, the Conquerer selects a seat from the 7 that you are guarding and promptly proceeds to plonk himself down. So that when you look up from your book, you find that one of your colleagues has morphed into a 60-year old uncle in a cleaner's uniform. So you turn to him and pleasantly inform him, That's taken. And he ignores you. Hence you have to lean over, palm the table top between yourself and him, and yell, TAKEN! Only then he looks up with a jolt, shovels yet another mouthful of rice into his mouth, picks up his plate and scurries off.
Next time I'll carry one of those "reserved" signs. So much easier.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
joke of the century
Q: What's smaller than a small fry?
A: I am.
::
That's right. I must reign as the Joke of the Century. Inexperienced, wet-behind-the-ears me.
Perhaps it's because I don't carry myself in a "bossy" manner. Perhaps it's because I'm too much a newbie for Someone to respect as a superior. Perhaps it's just Her.
I'm not officially her boss but I've been burdened with the responsibility of ensuring that the Department functions while Jellyfish sources for a new boss for me. In slow motion, no less.
And it's getting downright exasperating.
Is it so wrong to ask for a report that is more than one month overdue? Especially when Jellyfish is breathing down my neck because They Who Shan't Be Mentioned are proding him with a stick for it.
Is it not basic courtesy to let someone finish her sentence before you cut it off with a dismissive wave of the hand and a "yah lah, yah lah. I'll get it done"? I concede that that was the 4th time in a few weeks that I've requested for said document. So guess why I'm still asking for it.
It's true that I haven't put down my foot with her. You know, really show her who's boss! But it's kinda difficult to find an opportunity to do so. She's always yakking on the phone.
Anyway, like I was saying, yes I haven't been all that firm/ strict/ commanding/ autocratic with her. And no I haven't threatened her with various forms of torture.
Because at the end of the day, I am not her boss. She knows it and is exploiting that. Further, she's been here long enough to be a wealth of information for us newbies; I turn to her often with 'how is this usually done' type of questions.
I'm not going to do anything about this. But the next time I get grilled over her inefficiency, I am so going to let it all out.
So bite me.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
today i learnt...
1. That my comprehensive staff benefit scheme involves inflicting upon me high blood pressure. This is a benefit, really, because I have low blood pressure. I'm pretty certain that it'll level out and I'll end up with perfect blood pressure. Or a nervous breakdown.
2. That some people don't complain/whine too much; they're just exceptional at identifying problems.
3. That some people aren't gossip-mongers; they're born with innate resourcefulness. That's why irrelevant people working across the island know about stuff that occurred 2 minutes ago.
4. That some people aren't tardy in their work; they're slow and steady.
5. That for every month I work in this hellhole, I'll age prematurely by 3.
6. That that which does not break you... will affect your bonus.
7. That the above does not apply when you have no bonus.
Monday, June 06, 2005
progress report
2 itsy threads of hope!
Am keeping fingers crossed. Toes crossed. Hell, even my eyes are crossed.
Wish me luck!
day in, day out
Life is so boring. Working life is even more boring.
Not too long ago, like a year back, it eluded me how Office Drones managed to live life as it is. Office Mondays to Fridays, home weekends and public holidays. Then it's back to the office. Talk about dreary.
One year later, sitting in my 4x4, I've finally found the answer. Yes, the answer to life's ultimate question (and without the help of a super computer too).
The trick to leading the lifestyle of the Office Drone is not to think about the apparent lack of a ifestyle. It gets to a point where you don't even think about what you're doing. Because thinking about it is 1) discouraging and 2) downright depressing.
So that's how I'll live out the rest of my working life??? Not thinking, barely feeling, just breathing.
Now that's a depressing thought for the week.
Friday, June 03, 2005
fantasies of the disgruntled
I have a dream. It may be a fantasy too far flung from reality to come true, but hey, it lights up my darkest work hours with a devilish green glow.
I was kinda really hoping to strike Toto last night. A whooping $1.4 mil!
I guess the average John Doe would splurge on a car, treat relatives and friends you didn't know you had to delicacies after delicacies, after which, go shopping at the luxury boutiques of Paragon like a crazed Japanese tourist.
But me? I would march to work with the zeal and zest that my office has never seen, toss my perfumed letter of resignation on Jellyfish's desk with a dismissive flick of the wrist and follow through with a cheque of one month's pay.
It'll be more gratifying than you think. Really.
A look of unadultered shock. The gasp of horror. Possibly, his eyes will even glaze over and he'll be helplessly foaming at the mouth. But I overestimate myself.
They'll just rehire, won't they? Just like they're trying to get me a new manager. Doesn't take too long, minute stuff like this. It hasn't even been 3 months, after all.
Ok, fantasy over. Back to cruel reality.
Work beckons.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
the no-conspiracy sgblogconspiracy
And so it has happened. The largest (ok, maybe the only) local blogging event has been firmed up for 16 July 2005 at (get this) Woodlands Regional Library.
*smacks forehead*
The venue is... so... interesting. But I disgress. Here's my take on the great Blogger.SG conspiracy:
There is no conspiracy. At least not in terms of the colourful ideas like psychotropic-drug-laced refreshments and spy cameras that have emerged in the blogosphere.
The no-conspiracy conspiracy theory is thus: they want you to think it's a conspiracy and blog about the conspiracy. And when your posts make unsubstantiated claims involving the underground-police-unit-that-doesn't-exist, that's when they'll log your blog, trace your address through your government-controlled service provider, knock on your frontdoor and invite you for a latte at the underground-police-unit-that-doesn't-exist.
Be warned, my friends.
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]