Monday, July 25, 2005
i am much obliged
I once knew someone who always espoused that friendship (or any relationship for that matter) should be free of obligation. I surmise that he feels this way because obligation often puts strain on the giving party.
I witnessed, not too long ago, an episode that left me bewildered, really. Perhaps it's because I'm a third party looking in at the situation. A beloved colleague who left for greener pastures agreed to help her (ex-) boss with some work because her replacement had yet to report for duty. Now this sounds all fine and dandy until you realise that this "helping out" involved coming back to our office after a 9-6 day in her new one, and working til 11ish each time.
Of course you need a relationship with your boss - one that transcends the office and into true friendship - before an ex-subordinate would go the whole nine yards for him/her. I still say until today that this was a debt of friendship.
Admittedly, her boss was and still is very nice to her. When she came back to work, he made sure she was paid her regular hourly pay, drove to the nearest MRT station to pick her up, bought her dinner and drove her home again. It's a two-way thing, then, obligation crap.
Also an interesting demonstration of obligation happened to me two weeks back. Now I know, and you know and everyone knows, that I am no longer in Events. But my three month stint in the department did grow 'friendship', for the lack of a better term. I'm not saying that I'm not friends with my Events colleagues; comparative to other colleagues, I am. But I wouldn't go as far as to say we're really friends, you know? Friends are so much more than that. I know, because I have a bunch of them and we've lasted ten years and counting. So anyway, I concede that I am chummy with them and I enjoy my long lunches with them.
It happened one day that one of them came up to me with a desperate look on his face and said that he was short on manpower for an evening event coming up. I obliged. So that Wednesday, I worked til 11ish helping out. Fine.
Then it got worse.
Another guy came along (with a we're-friends-so-you-won't-say-no look on his face) and told me point blank that I have been deployed for another event. On a Sunday. From 9-5pm. I was flabbergasted to say the least. But apparently that was that and before I could react, my name turned up on the admin programme. Til today I still wonder, at which moment in my life did I agree?
You see, it's not that I'm drawing a line between my jobscope and theirs. But try to understand that encroaching on my weekends is a different issue all together. Work, as it is, is torturous and my only respite is the weekend. Searching my heart, I realise that what I really take issue with is that he didn't ask. He assumed. That I was obliged to help out a friend.
After going through the duty list for Sunday's event, I find out that my "duty" isn't even that crucial! I mean, anyone could do it. His no-good boss, for example, could easily do it. So tell me why I need to work on a Sunday for that?
I guess I'm coming across very selfish - admittedly so. But once again, try to understand. I've had 2 weekends burnt this month because of events. Together with that Sunday event, my first 2 weekends next month are effectively gone with the wind as well. Tell me how that doesn't suck. Especially for someone who isn't even in Events no more.
Even more ridiculous was a "favour" asked from me a few weeks back. But I shan't elaborate. Enough is enough already.
All this post serves to tell is that I've finally - truly - understood what that old friend of mine meant about obligations.
I am much obliged; whether I like it or not.
// posted by the commentator @ 3:02 pm 
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Thanks Flirtin. I'll definitely check out your blog.
DW: When I was really young (like 5 or 6), I had a book entitled "How to say No". I read it cover to cover countless times. Think I need to find that book and re-read it.
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DW: When I was really young (like 5 or 6), I had a book entitled "How to say No". I read it cover to cover countless times. Think I need to find that book and re-read it.
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