Monday, August 01, 2005
how to play the office game
The rules of engagement by learning from (my boss's) hits and (my) misses.
1. Always make small talk
With the direct boss, the boss's boss and everyone is who is anyone who matters. Even if you are sneaking off from a late night event and you meet a Higher-Up on your way out, stop and chat. As long as the event was successful, these Higher-Ups should be in a good mood. Seeing you working late will leave them with a good impression of your work attitude. Apparently it doesn't matter if your bag is slung over your shoulder and you have one foot out the door.
Also, small talk is a brilliant way to impress people with your wit and insightful insights. Beware however of coming across as a dimwit. When in doubt, just nod, smile and laugh.
2. Always grab the chance to lunch together
Now this is one of my biggest misses. I really - just really - can't bring myself to lunch with the boss, or the boss's boss. But you should. As with small talk, lunch is a fabulous opportunity to get yourself noticed, and to fill in the Higher-Ups with information that you can't really share in the office environment.
For example, you can subtlely share with the boss that your oh-so-important work (particularly the ones that he's waiting to see) is being impeded by your retarded computer. It is likely that the boss will be appalled, and ask why the IT department isn't giving you a new machine. At this point, refrain with all your might from bitching. Just shrug helplessly and look pathetic. Apparently this will earn you a new computer within your first week on the job.
Sidenote: Playing the office game is likely to alienate you from the groundstaff. Said computer, for example, may have been meant for an assistant whose computer has been down for 2 days. Seeing said computer in your office will not do much for interpersonal relations. But these don't matter much if you don't intend to forge true friendships in the office.
3. Always work doubly hard for people who matter
There is no such thing as equal effort in all work. There is no such thing as equality in output.
Take, for example, a facing-page interview spread with 1) Higher-Up and 2) important person in Singapore's finance industry. Now, where does your priority lie?
If you said both are equally important, you are as silly as I am. Apparently (1) is about 400% more important than (2), simply because interviewee (1) can directly screw up/ expedite your career development opportunities. Please note however that I am using this example because my work now and in the foreseeable future will have nothing to do with the finance sector.
But in any case, this point seeks to illustrate direct cause and effect. In layman's terms, this refers to: suck-up => promotion.
4. Always build alliances within the office
Alliances being alliances, the crux of the matter is to build one with power, of course. I cannot emphasise more how this has nothing to do with whether you like a person or despise him/her from the bottom of your heart. If a peer wields power in some ways, particularly those in which you lack, you build a complementary alliance.
It helps to be chummy with the boss's pet/ PA, especially if you're a newbie in the environment. These people have access to firsthand work information and can also give you inside information about the big boss.
For example, you learn that the big boss once lived in America for 3 years and that both his kids are currently studying in American universities. At the next small talk (see point 1) or lunch opportunity (see point 2), you casually remark that you once lived in America for 5 years. The big boss will likely be elated to discover that both of you have many things in common. You can then start an extended conversation about living in America - a conversation which is likely to exclude most other people.
5. Keep your friends close and enemies closer
As Confucius, that wise wise man, once said. The working environment is akin to the battlefield. Amble around blissfully unaware of this theory and be prepared to pick daggers and arrows from your back by the end of the day.
To perfectly execute this point, you first need good judgment. Now this is largely a God-given ability but it can also be honed with sufficient (excruciating) experience. I don't intend to stereotype the evil ones amongst us but the most telling sign I've come across is that of all smiles. As the Chinese will tell you, this is called "hiding knives in one's smiles". This is a very two-faced thing to do but also very effective in disarming people.
Now of course I am not saying that those really nice people who are smiley all day as if they're on prozac are vindictive bitches/ bastards. This is where said judgment comes into play. I'm just pointing out that of the varieties of evils amongst us, the All Smiles type is the worst simply because s/he will catch you unawares and may inflict upon you a horrendous death without you even knowing it.
Keep such people close. Make them think that you're on his/her side. While this will not delete the possibility of backstabbing in its entirety, at least you're safer than most other innocents.
// posted by the commentator @ 12:30 am 
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