Thursday, January 12, 2006
back from the dead
Even I was surprised. Even though I know the reason why.
It's been more than two months since I've written. My last foray into the corporate world left me beaten, emotionally. Sapped, mentally. So much so I evidently lost any penchant for writing; for even trying.
So I fixed things. Difficult as it was, I did. And while I was scared, I know it's a decision that I will not regret.
I quit. And two weeks later, boarded a plane and flew 14,000km to the City of Angels.
I've been in Los Angeles for about a month and a half now. It is a period of quiet rejuvenation. And I have taken that to mean chillin', loungin' and not doing much of anything. It's been a blast.
But now. Now I feel stronger, healthier and refreshed. Ready to take baby steps toward finding my self and strength. And I know it will be a turbulent journey, but through which I will definitely find what I seek, deep within me.
Shortly after I arrived, we visited the Getty Centre - an art museum and research facility perched on a hill. While browsing the souvenir store, I came across a beautiful journal bound with what is claimed to be Shakespeare's handwriting. I saw, I stopped, I picked it up, and without much deliberation, I placed it back upon the shelf.
The boyfriend asked why I didn't want to buy it; my reply was, I have nothing to fill it with.
A month or so later, I chanced upon the very same journal in Barnes & Noble. I saw, I stopped, I picked it up, and after some deliberation, I placed it back upon the shelf.
I asked myself why I still didn't want to buy it; my reply was, I'm not sure if I have anything to fill it with.
A week or so past. I'm not certain when it was that I started thinking of starting a travel journal. A chronicles of my experiences and thoughts these three months in a strange city, in an unfamiliar country.
So I returned to Barnes & Noble, and this time I went straight for it. I saw, I stopped, I picked it up, and after much deliberation, I headed for the check out counter.
Since then, I've taken care to retain little keepsakes of experiences: a movie ticket stub, the hotel bill from Palm Springs, a map of Las Vegas. While far from a camera whore, I've become more enthusiastic about snapping shots. The little things I can do to immortalise my memories here.
It's been a few weeks since. The Shakespearean journal I bought lays quietly in the Barnes & Noble bag it came in. I glance at it everyday, unsure of my feelings toward it.
Til now I am still a little wary, a little inert, of beginning where I left off. Of starting over.
But I will. And I shall. And it will be a damn good journal.
***
posted by the commentator @ 2.00pm on Wednesday, Jan 11 2006 from Los Angeles, CA
// posted by the commentator @ 5:30 am 
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"a movie ticket stub"
I used to keep little mementos like ticket stubs until I found that they fade...
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